Grief and Loss

All of us, as humans, will experience loss in this lifetime – there is no way out. Indeed, grief is the price of a life well-lived. If we are fully engaged in love and life, then we will at some point experience loss. No one can prepare you for what this means. The fear, sorrow, anger, loneliness, and disorientation can feel overwhelming and incredibly painful. 

In response to this pain, we have two choices: to tend the grief, or to avoid it. It makes sense, of course, to want to avoid it or fix it, except that doing so strangely makes the whole experience worse, not better. Grief will wait for you, it will come out sideways, and it will, eventually, demand your attention. The only way out is through. 

We move through grief by tending it. Tending our losses transforms and deepens us in ways that are unimaginable, and yet common to all of humanity. Grief work is the most sacred, humbling, humanizing, painful, transformative, soulful work there is. There really are not enough words to express how powerful it is to move through a major life loss while staying conscious and awake. Nor are there words to adequately describe the changes grief brings to one’s sense of self, of purpose, and of meaning in life. 

You might be thinking, “well, that stinks.” You are right! It totally stinks, but if we can befriend our pain with compassion and care, then this pain becomes transformative and meaningful. You can laugh and find joy again – when it is time. It can be challenging, if not impossible, to see a future when you are in the thick of a loss, whether it is the loss of a loved one, a relationship, an identity, or a circumstance. This is why counseling might be just the thing to support you through a process that can make you feel like you are lost in the woods.

I believe that the capacity to work with grief is a life skill, and that the counseling can teach you how to grow through grief. Learning to tend your grief can create the space to imagine again a life worth living. I believe it is possible to embrace yourself wholly and fully, even the painful parts, and move towards a life of value, purpose, and connection. I see it happen every day.

Thankfully, you do not have to figure out how to do this this alone. Grieving can be very isolating, particularly in Western culture where grief is hidden and avoided. Well-meaning friends and loved ones often encourage people to “get over it,” or “move on.” It is common for others to say things like, “It was for the best,” or “They’re in a better place now.” The collective discomfort with grief sends a message to the grieving – you are too much and simultaneously not enough. Sometimes people feel as if their pain is burdensome to others. In addition to the grief itself, many people are left to contend with feelings of inadequacy because they believe they aren’t doing it right!

The reality is that there is no right way to grieve, whatever the losses are that you are experiencing. Grief is sacred soul work. It requires time, patience, and (eventually) a willingness to tend it the way you would tend a beloved friend. If you would like to learn how to move through grief with self-compassion and support, take a look through my website and give me a call today. You don’t have to grieve alone.